After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
