The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
barbara walters just said penis...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
