Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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