Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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