Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
