where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
