I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
