I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
