ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
