I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
