All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
