Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dick very happy bro
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
