Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
