bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just gift wrapped bread.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
