glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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