I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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