Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
