watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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