I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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