He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
