end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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