Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
