I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
