Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
