i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
