Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The ass gains better be worth it
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