wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
worst night to have a conscience
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
