Michael Bay diarrhea
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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