We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
