I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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