Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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