She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize