I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
4 words: hood of his car
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
