I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why are your pants in the freezer?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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