the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
