I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
