I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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