i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
