he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
