I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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