Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Im part way to drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
