i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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