But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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