I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
