i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
