dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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