I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We need to get me chipped asap
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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