just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
