So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
