toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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