TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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