This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
