I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
