Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
