I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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