The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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