I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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