She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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