it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
