just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
