found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
