I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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