Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
