I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was so not down for the gang bang
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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