I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
