i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
