Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
