Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
