Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
