she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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