I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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