Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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