"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend