So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
