I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in