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Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
time to smoke my breakfast
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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