Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.