I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.