Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i've created a new STD.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
